To my Uncle Herrin’:
I want to apologize to you for months of delay, but to complete your assignment I had to be sure that I had all the knowledge available for absolute success. I had a long talk with our Chief, Earl Mills. I did not compromise him by letting him know of my assignment, I just asked for guidance in making sure I understood the true character of the Mashpee Wampanoag. Those characteristics, he told me have protected the real Mashpee for centuries and gave us the survival skills under the most adverse circumstances.
Minnie Ah Ha, Mashpee Wampanoag Private Investigator
You know the Chief. It was a long talk. It went on for many weeks. We sang all the Broadway hits. We danced around a lot. I got really tired, but the Chief said we were high energy people and never gave up. Then he said I betta do some jumpin’ jacks. He had me review his latest book….phew! I said wow, you know everything! Not everything he said, but the Mashpee always learn from every experience and retell the story. They listen and instinctively know if people are truly good inside. He said we love each other and talk to those we like to learn more everyday. We’re smart, we’re educated formally and informally because we have outsmarted many a White man who tried to take advantage of us. I watched him cook some really good fish chowder and he said it was just one element of of traditions that are still alive and must be protected and respected….not recreated. He said there’s no measure of our greatness, only the proof of our continued existence. So armed with all that knowledge, and some wicked cool dance steps ( I do them in the mirror ), I went ahead.
The First Lady’s Shenanigans at Ole School Night: Reports the Cheryl Frye Cromwell was really acting up at the club in December are all true. Her husband, AKA, Ceddie, Grungy Boy, Awful, Atta Boy Attleboro and Foolish, formally known as Cedric Cromwell, watched in a chagrined state. Several witness said it was a scene of drunken debauchery with the First Lady bumping and grinding on the dance floor with all makes of strange men……and women, while her husband looked on. The much discussed scene in the women’s bathroom however was also revealed in many versions. The activities there were far too unspeakable to reveal here. Unlike the pugilistic battle between TFL and the Pequot woman in a Connecticut barroom last summer, Ceddie was able to contain TFL in this latest episode and drag her out of the place before even more humiliating behavior was displayed.
Request for Grief Counseling Revenues Rejected: Tribal Elders anonymously submitted a request for an undisclosed amount of money for grief counseling due to the death of the tribe. Cedric Cromwell, Mark Harding, Aaron Tobey and Marie “Tah Tah” Stone, said reports of the tribes death are false. “It’s on life support,” chuckled Harding. Tobey said, ” Ya we’ve been trying to kill it for 3 years and it just won’t die.” Tah Tah laughed, ” Yah, wait till they find out you made me tear up that sign in sheet for the 2009 election, you’ll be on life support Lip Licker.” ” What’ll they do to you when you can’t produce the damned audio tapes?” CeddieLou said. “Least I didn’t take ’em seriously when Roe told you to take a bath in the flume to be accepted by the tribe,” Tah Tah snapped. Cromwell then banged the gavel repeatedly saying ” I’m the Chairman ! I want order.”
Nice ripe fish heads
Punishment: At a time certain, tribal members have agreed to pummel the Council wrong
Thorny ain't they?
doers with fish heads ( at least 4 days old ) and pine cones for as long as supplies last. Dump trucks will be parked at the school tomorrow for your convenience.
That is my report March 10, 2012
Your niece,
Minnie Ah Ha
